Monday, December 13, 2010


I am
trapped in quicksand... People say, you should do nothing, if you are in quick sand, the more you struggle, the more you will be trapped... That is true, I was struggling before, now stopped that, I can see myself not drowning any more, but am stuck till my neck, and then I realized I need to stop struggling. Now my only hope, if somebody show some pity and get me out of this situation.

I am
waiting for many days, I dont exactly remember how many days I am here, first I used to count, Now I have stopped that also, maybe counting was also some struggle I used to do against my situation. But their is always a bright way of every situation, Before I did not have time to look around, what others are doing, now I have plenty of time, Really I dont have anything else to do, rather look around what others are doing....

not so important at all, I think, we should not struggle against the situation we are facing, rather enjoy it, go with it, but, never should mix with it..i mean i will be in, but anytime, i can get out also, Not like that I am involved so much that I cant wake up from my dream, and when it breaks, it breaks all, my heart, my wisdom, my wish to be alive, then i am going with the flow, but can go against with the flow also, but that needs courage and knowledge....

as I was telling we should not involve in the situation, fortunately or unfortunately that happen, There is somebody, whom I cannot leave from my sight for a single moment without having pain, When she was not their, her thoughts remains there. I don't know how this all have started, But I know something started and I am out of guts to leave that situation, I know, I will not be able to be in this situation forever, One day I have to go, or I will sink in this quicksand, either-way I have to miss her, But as I said earlier I have hope, I know their must be some other way out always, no matter how difficult the situation is, and in this kind of situation, we should enjoy every moment and stop thinking about "how long"..

smile, is most beautiful I have ever seen, That makes me feel so happy, when she smiles, no-one can stay angry/sad, her smile will definitely make you smile. But when I see at her eyes, I see some loneliness, maybe she has something to say, but can't trust that much, that she will tell me, but am optimistic, someday she will tell me, and till then, I just want to be the hand, which she can hold, whenever she is in fear, she needs it. I just want to be someone, whom she knows, who always help her, and be their beside her, whatever the situation is. I have already lost many-thing, So just hope if I can give a little happiness to somebody I like.

stuck in a situation, I cant decide, should I lie sometimes to make her happy, or i should not ignore the truth, and let her feel the rudeness of life. Am not sure, But i don't care, when only her happiness is the most important thing..

A strange feeling....and the North-star...

was not started as usual, it was something i was dreaming for my whole life, and when it was with me, i was so afraid of it, i was running from it, i am still running, but after it.. It was some most beautiful experience one can have in his lifespan, what is it, is it just a feeling, is it like rainbow in north sky, which only appears, if rain and light stays together, having some scientific reason to persist in the virtual world, where nothing is immortal, neither my feelings, nor my envy, jealousy, or friends or enemies....

why it is virtual, what is real will not change itself, with the situation, like the north-star in the north sky, whom everybody can trust, but even it is not too powerful to show us the way of happiness, in the day, maybe it don't want to do so, as we don't need him, like friendship, and true love, when we are surrounded by so many beautiful persons, we might hardly think about our true friendship, as we don't need it in that time.

when it is night, i am alone in the middle of the universe, with the question about my existence and all my star friends are too far from me, shining and glittering in the night sky, beckoning me to hold their hands, but how can i leave, as i told somebody i will be here, waiting for you, though it takes thousands of light-year for you to reach me, i will be still waiting for you. so i cannot move.. and look that trust i have shown to someone, in return, shown thousands of trust to me, the silly people in the planet called Earth, they look at me to find their way to home, they trust me, that i will never ever leave this place. Maybe they make fun of me, when all the stars are moving, enjoying, i am still in same spot, ignoring them. But so silly they are, in that small planet, where they can lost? I don't know, but they have the fear of getting lost, they lives only 70 years max, i have seen many people, dying in that planet, many little to born, still they fear to loose their loved one, and i am also doing the same, staying here for thousands of years in the hope, to get drenched by the ray of her light. So i can't move.

might have thinking how i get these feelings, how the rainbow is, the love, fear, happiness, sorrow, and feeling of getting drenched. Its only can be feel by you, humans, then you are wrong. Maybe sound cannot come to the place i belong, as you don't listen to me crying, or laughing. But i can see you in that planet, all night, as you can see me, crying , smiling, loving... as always feelings are silent, for which I used to wait whole days, like you..

how many of you people, who are in pride that, the feelings only belong to human beings, feel the same, or like to feel the same, or want to? I doubt.. I can see most of them are busy with their life, office, and a strange thing called money.. and some of humans, who don't have them, look at me and tell me their story, from balcony, from the roof, from the window. I cannot listen, as I am far far away, but i can feel. I can feel the girl was happy as she got a new ipod from her parents after long fight, i can feel the girl is happy after having her first kiss with her boyfriend, i can feel the tears on her eyes, at the time of break up.. May be it is known to you, But which is unknown, i saw the same feelings in that boy also...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Once in the rain....

Today is a rainy day.. no its not raining here.. but still its raining somewhere, it was raining last year, if we can follow the birthday, independence day, why not rainy day?

once in a morning, when there were no sign..
of people in the road, i saw a little flower..
nodding its head, and smiling gently to me..
suddenly the rainbow came, lightning the..
whole sky, holding the hand of that little flower..
calling me to go with them, feeling the rain..
which is coming from heaven to the earth..
i saw the clock, its near seven, my office..
will start soon, should i go to office, or join..
them, to the moon, leaving all sorrow and joy..
they were escaping soon, leaving the cloudy..
sky...towards the empty ocean, where..
nobody will force me to work, never..
i was having pain, going to work, ignoring rain..
i had to think again and again, so what...
am doing, will not regret, in search of that..
forcing me, but don't have an answer exact..
I left that day, holding her hand, and smile..
enjoyed the rain, and thanked for a while..
it was not tough to decide that,
but it is hard to face the fact..

Friday, December 10, 2010

about me.....

world will be always round no matter what one thinks or feels, That's how I am. always will be like myself, no matter if it is acceptable or not. That's something i want to make clear at very life in my own way, desperate to protect my feelings. Nothing is immortal in this life, and maybe i have the shortest lifespan. so why to bother about other things. when no time to see at least once the whole world. The changes are obvious and same as me. changing with every moment of life. trying to feel every sand of hour glass. and doing millions mistakes. though i dont learn from them. really i don't care about learning anymore.. just want to feel...

love to hide. hide behind mask.hide behind eyes, unknown faces.hope i would be invisible. actually being invisible no fear you have nothing to loose. nothing to worry about. liberty. hiding is not so difficult to. if i am somewhere , their nobody knows me. means am hiding. some place no body cares about me. in some crowd where everyone is
busy with themselves.

like the night. i can watch whole night the stars blinking. like telling some stories of fairytale. like sunset. saying good bye. not what saying hello, like it has given you already. now time to leave. not like coming with some surprises. no expectation.the dark having so many thing to share. it has the sensation. in some late night. with the high beats of music.piercing through my heart. low light. everyone is busy with their movements.and glasses. its dark everywhere. inside and outside. no fake acting. its true faces everywhere.
Though black has a bright side.. to lighten up. if no darkness their, means no needs of light. but more than light. somebody carrying the light through the darkness. showing the path of end. it brings happiness. what i was looking for from the beginning of journey. The finishing line.

its rain. getting wet in it. the drops comes from touch eyelashes, lips, face.and the sound of raindrops. making some rhythm. like ask me to dance with them.rain has a power to change my mood. from happy to sad. from sad to happy.
Music is like drug in my life. I cant live without, It takes me miles away from Present, Makes me feel, cry, happy, cares my emotions.

story is incomplete without her. She showed me the reason to live. But she always wins. I have to surrender before her. She makes me play my favorite game Hide and seek forever, she left me in the darkness, holding the light far apart, invisible, hiding. i lost her always in the crowd. I have to move my feet in the rain, in fear of i will forget the steps she showed me.

I still remember all of her words, her actions, expressions, I recollect them everyday, in fear i will forget them with the flow of time, her smile, her arguments, her liking, dislike, i kept them with great care inside my heart for her, In hope one day the truth will be true for me.